What SEL Looks Like in Our Schools

Today, many of our schools utilize evidence-based programs that focus on teaching specific competencies. These programs, which are often integrated into morning meetings, counseling sessions, or even academic subjects, focus on five core areas. These are defined by the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL):

1. Self-Awareness: Identifying one’s own emotions, thoughts, and values.
2. Self-Management: Regulating one’s emotions, thoughts, and behaviors effectively in different situations (e.g., managing stress, self-motivation).
3. Social Awareness: Taking the perspective of and empathizing with others.
4. Relationship Skills: Establishing and maintaining healthy and rewarding relationships (e.g., communicating clearly, resolving conflict).
5. Responsible Decision-Making: Making constructive choices about behavior and social interactions.

These structured programs are essential for teaching children the explicit skills they need to navigate school and peer relationships. They are designed to support all students and provide critical intervention for those who are struggling.

But here is the truth that often goes unsaid: This is often an intervention that starts years too late.

We need to stop asking schools to re-wire behavior that was already cemented in the foundational years. The most powerful SEL curriculum a child will ever receive isn’t in a classroom; it’s in the co-regulation of their home environment.

The Myth of Self-Soothing: Why Child Emotional Regulation Starts with the Parent 🧠

For decades, many parents were encouraged to “let babies self-soothe.” We now know this concept is a biological impossibility for a young child.

A baby’s pre-frontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for self-control and emotional management—is highly immature. They are born requiring an external regulator to help them manage stress. That external regulator is you.

This scientific concept is called co-regulation. When your child is distressed, they are sending out a nervous system alarm. If you respond from a place of calm, your regulated state literally helps sync their nervous system back to a quiet, safe baseline. You are teaching their brain, through repeated experience, how to calm down.

When we react to a child’s meltdown with our own uncontrolled frustration or anger (i.e., parental dysregulation), we are not teaching regulation. Instead, we are modeling and transmitting escalation. Research consistently links high parental stress and non-adaptive emotion regulation with higher rates of social, behavioral, and mental health issues in youth.

The Prenatal SEL Curriculum: It Starts with the Parent 🧘

If co-regulation is the lesson, then the prerequisite must be the parent’s own self-regulation for child SEL. This is why our focus needs to shift, starting before a child is even born:

💡 Parental Self-Awareness: Identifying the Real Emotion

Before we teach a child to recognize their “big feelings,” we need to teach parents to recognize theirs. This means identifying internal stress cues—the tight jaw, the hot chest, the impulse to yell—before they erupt into a reaction. Crucially, this training must help parents understand that anger is very often a symptom of suppressing another, more vulnerable emotion, such as fear, overwhelm, inadequacy, or grief. If a parent can recognize that their rising anger is actually a mask for deep anxiety about being a “good parent,” they can address the true need instead of reacting punitively.

🎯 The Circle of Control

Prenatal and early-parenting training needs to equip adults with strategies like understanding what they can and cannot control. You can control your response and your effort. However, you cannot control the duration of a tantrum or a baby’s need to cry. Reducing this anxiety is foundational self-care.

⚓ The Calming Anchor

Every parent needs a rapid, go-to self-regulation strategy, like Square Breathing or a quick grounding exercise. This allows a parent to down-regulate their own system in seconds. Thus, they can approach their child with calm instead of conflict.

🚶 When to Walk Away: The Ultimate Self-Regulation Skill

All of these skills culminate in the powerful knowledge of when walking away is the kindest, safest response. If you cannot find your calming anchor, the most responsible action is to temporarily exit the situation. This means placing your child in a safe space (like a crib or playpen) and giving yourself a few moments, or even a minute, to calm down completely—even mommies need time-outs!

Taking a break is firmly identified as responsible, proactive parenting—not neglect or “giving up.” Walking away when you are dysregulated prevents you from passing on that distress or reacting in a way you will regret. By doing this, you model the highest level of self-control for your child.

We must recognize that a parent who is emotionally supported and regulated is the most effective preventative measure against future maladaptive behavior. The early investment in parental self-regulation for child SEL is far more cost-effective than the long-term societal cost of special education, behavioral intervention, and juvenile justice.

📢 An Urgent Call to Action: Advocate for prenatal SEL

We are asking parents to teach a skill they were often never taught. This is not about blame; it is about providing the missing instruction manual. Parental self-regulation is the prerequisite for child SEL.

I am asking you, my fellow SLPs, educators, and concerned parents, to use your voice to advocate for this foundational shift.

The Ask: Contact your State Representatives and State Department of Health officials to urge them to mandate and fund the inclusion of an evidence-based Parental Self-Regulation and Co-Regulation Module as a standard component of all state-funded prenatal and early postnatal care programs.

We are not asking for a new program; we are asking for essential SEL skills to be taught at the right time, to the right person.

Here is a template email you can adapt and send to your elected officials today. Let’s make parental self-regulation a public health imperative.

Subject: Urgent: Fund Foundational Parental Self-Regulation Training for Child Health & Preventative Care

Dear [Representative/Senator/Official Name, or State Department of Health Leadership],

I am writing to you today as [Your Title/Profession: e.g., a School-Based Speech-Language Pathologist and concerned resident of District X]. My work with children in schools across [Your County/Region] consistently reveals that the most effective interventions for social, emotional, and behavioral challenges begin not in the classroom, but with the parent.

The Foundational Challenge: Current efforts in school-based Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) are essential but often start too late. The true foundation for a child’s ability to self-regulate is built through co-regulation—the consistent, calm response of a regulated adult. When parents lack the skills to manage their own stress and emotional triggers, they are inadvertently modeling and transmitting dysregulation to their children, leading to long-term issues.

The Preventative Solution: I urge you to mandate and fund the inclusion of an evidence-based Parental Self-Regulation and Co-Regulation Module as a standard, reimbursable component of all state-funded prenatal and early postnatal care programs.

This funding is not for generic parenting classes. It is an investment in specific, psychoeducational training that teaches parents:

1. Self-Awareness: How to recognize their own internal stress cues (e.g., anxiety, overwhelm) before they escalate into frustration or anger.
2. Calming Anchors: Rapid self-regulation techniques (like deep breathing or grounding) to stabilize their nervous system under pressure.
3. Proactive Parenting: The necessary skill of safely walking away to self-calm when feeling dysregulated, which models the highest level of emotional control for the child.

Cost-Effectiveness: Investing in parental self-regulation is the most powerful preventative measure available. Research consistently shows that early family interventions are dramatically more cost-effective than later remediation efforts (such as special education services, extensive behavioral interventions, or juvenile justice system involvement).

I ask that you prioritize this foundational SEL training. By supporting the mental and emotional health of parents, we are proactively building resilient children and stronger communities.

Thank you for your time and commitment to the health of our state’s families.

Sincerely,

[Your Name] [Your City/Town] [Your Contact Email or Phone Number]

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The post 🛑 The Foundation is Missing: Why Parental Self-Regulation for child SEL is the Most Crucial Skill appeared first on Mrs. Speech Online.

Hey there, fellow parents and educators! As a Speech-Language Pathologist (SLP), I get to witness the incredible journey of language development in young children every day. It’s truly amazing to see how these little minds grow and learn! In this post, I want to share some tips on nurturing language growth that can help you support this wonderful process.

Here are a few tips to nurture those curious minds and support your child’s language development:

Fuel Their Curiosity: 

Children are born explorers! Follow their interests. If they’re fascinated by bugs, head to the park with a magnifying glass. If they love trains, visit the train station and talk about the sounds and the different types of trains. This not only sparks their curiosity but also strengthens your bond, expands their vocabulary, and broadens their world knowledge.

Consider including them in your own interests (at an age-appropriate level) to show them that conversation and relationships are built on shared experiences and mutual understanding. This is a vital step in promoting communication skills

Connect Through Conversation:

• Give them your full attention: Put down your phone and truly listen to what they have to say. Make eye contact and show genuine interest. This teaches them that their thoughts and feelings are important. They will remember this when they are older, even if it is subconscious. ?
• Answer their questions honestly: It’s okay to say “I don’t know!” This teaches them that learning is a lifelong process. Then, you can hypothesize together and look it up, again teaching them how to make “smart guesses” as well as how to find out information.
• Talk about feelings: Help them understand and label their emotions. Acknowledge their feelings, even if they seem small to you. For example, “I see you’re feeling frustrated because you can’t build the tower.” One phrase I use a lot is “It’s okay to be angry, but it’s not okay to hit.”
• This requires you to dig deep to find the true feeling or reason behind your feeling. So often, we only recognize anger, but in reality it is fear. You aren’t angry because your child didn’t put on their shoes, you are worried that you will be late and the doctor will have to wait on you. And you aren’t angry that your child ran in front of you, but you are scared because your child could have been hurt.

Model Healthy Coping Mechanisms: 

Children learn by observing. Show them how you cope with stress and frustration. It’s okay to say, “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now. I’m going to take a few deep breaths and come back to this later.” Model and cultivate those crucial verbal skills!

Nurture Language Development:

• Play word games: Turn everyday moments into learning opportunities. Play rhyming games in the car, make up silly stories, have an opposite day, categorize items, or play I Spy. I like to play a version of Hedbanz, where the objective is for the other person to guess with as few clues as possible, and the points go to the describer!
• Focus on sounds: Talk about the sounds in words. For example, “Listen to how the ‘s’ sound hisses in ‘snake’.” Talk about how your mouth makes sounds, like “you stick your tongue between your teeth for ‘th’, but it is behind your teeth for ‘s’.” This provides a tactile layer to phonological awareness by helping children connect the sounds they hear with the movements of their mouths. Not only that, it also helps to build a strong foundation for clear speech production, which may support their speech development and potentially reduce the need for future speech therapy.
• Explore the world of print: Point out letters and words everywhere you go – on signs, in books, on food packaging. Talk about the logos of brands your child recognizes, and why the logo fits the brand. For example, “why does McDonald’s have a giant ‘M’ as their sign?”

Make Reading Fun:

• Read together: Even 15 minutes a day can make a significant difference. Use funny voices, point to the words, and talk about the pictures. Make guesses about word meaning, infer character feelings and motivation, predict what might happen next, and connect the story to your child’s own experiences. These interactions not only make reading fun but also strengthen their comprehension, critical thinking, and expressive language skills.
• Use technology wisely: Video read-alouds and interactive reading apps can be valuable tools, especially when you’re short on time or feeling out of energy. The best read-alouds highlight the word as it is written, helping to connect the written word to the spoken word. Even when using technology, make it an interactive experience. Pause the story to ask questions, make predictions, and discuss the story together. Remember to balance screen time with traditional book reading and other hands-on activities.

Take care of health concerns:

• Pay attention to snoring. Snoring is a symptom of an obstruction in the airway that is likely impacting their sleep, which is crucial for brain development and learning. Consult a doctor or dentist if your child regularly snores or breathes through their mouth instead of their nose.
• Vision & hearing screenings – it is vital that your child can see and hear the world around them. Make sure their yearly wellness visits include these important screenings. Hearing loss, even mild hearing loss, can affect their speech, language, and even reading. The earlier it is caught, the less impact it can have. Hearing screening might need to be done more frequently if your child has frequent ear infections.
• Bite and oral posture – things like an overbite, underbite, or tongue thrust can also significantly impact speech. Make sure your child sees a dentist as soon as teeth begin to emerge.

Don’t Wait, Consult an SLP: 

If you have any concerns about your child’s speech, language, or communication, consult with a Speech-Language Pathologist. Early intervention can make a significant difference in supporting those crucial language development years. Even if therapy is not recommended, the SLP can give you tips on how to help at home.

Remember, every child is unique and learns at their own pace. Celebrate their successes, be patient with their challenges, and most importantly, have fun!

By implementing these tips, you’re actively cultivating communication skills and setting your little learners up for lifelong success.

Helpful Links for Boosting Language Learning

• Typical Speech and Language Development – American Speech-Language-Hearing Association
• Ages & Stages – healthychildren.org from the American Academy of Pediatrics
• Handy Handouts – great resource for quick tidbits and tips on speech and language

Best Wishes!

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